Fatherless Generation

Last night my wife and I sat down to watch the new episode of "American Idol." It was the guys opportunity to audition in Hollywood. I was taken back by the majority of young men who were visibly struggling emotionally with both their practice and performance. Most who were not chosen began sobbing uncontrollably. I know that it is okay for grown men to cry. Even I have done so many times. However, it seemed as though there were very few tough men who were somewhat emotionally stable. Could this be the results of a fatherless generation?

Facts about the Fatherless Generation:

• 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
• 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
• 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
• 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
• 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
• 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
• 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]
• 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
• 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
• Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]
• http://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/

 

I lead a Men's Conference each year for our Network. Aproximately 500-700 men show up for a weekend to worship God and connect with other men in Tri-Cities, Washington. This year the theme is "Generations...becoming an intergenerational community."  Men in the church have an incredible opportunity to help shape this generation of young men. They need to see Godly men believing and living with character. They need role models who demonstrate it is okay to be masculine in todays society. Man was made in the image of God, and young men need good role models.

Genesis 1:27
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

The False Self

One of the most interesting revelations on spiritual formation came when I read M. Robert Mulholland Jr’s book, “The Deeper Journey.” This was the first time I have read anything on this subject. Mulholland begins by citing Jeremiah 17:5-10, which seems appropriate following a presidential election year. Jeremiah mentions two fundamental ways in which we live out our human existence. The “false self” depends on the flesh and its strength while the “true self” trusts in the Lord.[1]

Jeremiah 17:5-10

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who draws strength from mere flesh
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
⁶ That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

⁷ “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
⁸ They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”

⁹ The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

¹⁰ “I the Lord search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward each person according to their conduct,
according to what their deeds deserve.”

False Self ( Flesh)	True Self (Spirit and Truth)
Trusts in human ability and strength alone, trusts in mere humans	Finds confidence in God
Heart that turns from God	Their heart turns toward God, enjoys relationship with God.
Like a bush in the waste lands, dwelling in parched places of the desert, in salt land where no one lives	Like a tree planted by the water, sends out its roots by the stream
Fears heat and drought	Does not fear heat as its leaves are always green, has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit
Heart that is deceitful above all things, without cure	Allows the Lord to search the heart and examine the mind
Receives a reward according to what conduct and deeds deserve	Receives a reward according to what conduct and deeds deserve

            The false self is introduced early in the Bible with the temptation of Adam and Eve. Satan tempts Eve by saying, “If you eat this fruit, you will be like God.” (Gen 3:5)[2] Eve’s son Cain continues to illustrate the false self in Genesis 4. After Cain murders his brother Abel, he continued to have a “face to face” relationship with God, but in 4:16, “Cain went out from the Lord’s presence and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden.” (Genesis 4:16 NIV)

The false self in all of us wants to rise up and play God and tends to be a fearful self. Adam and Eve responded to God by saying, “We were afraid.” (Gen 3:10)[3] Fear is the antithesis of being a child of God, yet often we find ourselves worrying about our reputation or what people think, our future ministry, our families, our health, and our provision. The root of this fear works its way into the core of our being unless we expose the false self for what it is. The false self tries to overcome its fear by protectiveness. When we try to rely on our own resources for our identity, value, and purpose, we are living under the guise of our false self.[4] Mulholland ‘got to me’ when he asked the question, “How do you react while driving when another driver invades “your space,” and they cut in front of you in traffic or pull out from a side road and force you to slow down?”[5] Admittedly, my false self comes to the surface and I want to tell that person off or teach them a lesson.

By the time I finished the book, I had exhausted my argument of believing I did not have a false self. Mulholland continues by including manipulation, destructive behavior, self-promoting, indulgence, and distinction making as attitudes that come from the false self. I do not believe we are ever free from our false self and we must crucify it daily. However, the more we bring these dark attitudes into the light and expose them, the freer we become and the more we are transformation into the likeness of Christ.

The False Self System:

These compromise the buiding blocks of the false self in need of redemption. They are flesh centers that exist in us and many are imbeded in the unconscious.

Power/Control: "My way or the high way"

Esteem/Affection: "I need you to like me."

Security/Survival: "I am afraid that..."

Paul’s words seems to sum up this truth in Romans, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (Romans 12:1-2)

 

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[1] M. Robert Mulholland, The Deeper Journey: The Spirituality of Discovering Your True Self (Downers Grove, Ill.: IVP Books, 2006). 23

[2] Ibid. 27

[3] Ibid. 30

[4] Ibid. 33

[5] Ibid. 34